Need online dating advice?
Even if you’re frustrated with online dating, I assure you it’s an excellent way to meet quality men IF you do it right (yes there is a right way and a wrong way). In fact, 20% of marriages begin online, and the number is rising. Online dating works if you know what you’re doing.
Initially, I didn’t. Years ago when I was single and dating online, I made plenty of mistakes. I spent a lot of time getting nowhere. But little by little, I learned. And after a while, I figured it out.
Now years later, married and a successful dating coach, I’ve taught hundreds of women how to date online. I learned the hard way, but my clients don’t have to. With a loving but firm hand, I set them straight and teach them how to do it right.
Giving practical advice like how to write a smart essay or choose the right photos is always well-received. But there is one bit of advice (actually the most important) that usually takes some convincing. Getting my clients to do this one thing differently isn’t easy. But once they trust me and give it a go, everything changes for the better.
So here it is – the one bit of advice I wish every online dater would take…
Be careful whose emails you delete. Some quality men are bad at online dating (really bad) – don’t over eliminate!
It’s true. A lot of awesome guys are terrible at online dating. But here’s the thing…Even though they’re lousy daters, many will make great husbands!
Last year I worked with a wonderful man, let’s call him Neil. Neil owns a consulting firm. He’s attractive, highly educated and a doting dad to two young boys.
When we started working together, I took a look at his online profile and was horrified to discover scowling close-up car-selfies and photos of his Hawaiian vacation (sunsets and flowers – seriously). His photos were so close-up you could see the pores on his nose. I’m not kidding.
Neil’s a great guy, but you’d never know it from his online profile.
So one morning we met for breakfast, and I took new photos of Neil in a dark blue sports jacket and designer jeans. And I rewrote his essay. Voila – a few changes made all the difference. Neil was suddenly very popular with the ladies on Match.com!
Ever had a guy email you “How you doing?” or “Ur beautiful”?
Don’t you just love getting emails written in all lowercase letters with no punctuation, lol?
If you’re starting to wonder if most men online are uneducated creeps who don’t make an effort and can’t write normal emails, I feel your pain. I do!
And here’s my advice.
Even if their profiles are brief, their photos are silly or their initial emails are lame, give them a chance anyway.
Ask them to share more about themselves. Engage them and see if they’re nice guys. You’ll find that they often are.
Time and time again, I’ve cajoled my clients (actually pushed hard) to get them to respond to men they initially weren’t interested in.
And I’ve watched over and over again as those very same men, who initially seemed mediocre, turned into boyfriends – even husbands.
I’ve literally pulled boyfriends and husbands out of the trash (read about it here)!
Sometimes bad daters make great boyfriends.
So if he posts selfies and photos of his car… if he makes spelling mistakes or forgets to open the car door on your date, please cut him some slack. Don’t be so quick to judge. Instead focus on what matters.
Is he making an effort?
Is he a good guy – sincere and sweet?
Does he share your values and is he fun to be with?
Is he kind, and does he adore you?
If you judge too quickly, you may never find out. And that would be such a shame.
So head back to your Ok Cupid, eHarmony or Match.com inbox, and take a closer look at the guys you’re not that excited about. Those are the ones who usually turn into something special.
Set aside judgment. Be curious and date with an open heart. If you do, you may be surprised to find that beautiful things happen.
And when they do, please let me know. I love getting happy emails! : )