You’re on a date, and the waiter brings the check.
It sits on the table… and it sits, making you more and more uncomfortable by the minute.
Should you offer to split it, do the fake purse grab, or maybe even pretend it’s not there?
Better yet, should you run to the ladies room and hope it’s gone when you get back?
I get it! It’s hard to know what to do. You’re independent, you have a great job, and you can certainly pay for yourself.
But ladies, let’s be honest. You WANT him to pay, right?
The fact is, even though you can afford your dinner, it feels good to be taken care of and to be treated like the fabulous catch that you are. You want a gentleman and to see first hand that chivalry isn’t dead.
So what should you do when the check comes?
First ask yourself, “If he lets me pay, will I be disappointed?” And be real about it. If the answer is “yes” for goodness sake don’t offer! By offering you’re setting him up to fail. Why ask for something you don’t want? That makes no sense.
Let me share a little story…
My client Chelsea was on a date with Scott. She offered to split the check but he insisted on treating her to dinner. Did she graciously accept? No! Chelsea suggested she pay the tip, and he let her. She told me later it was at that very moment she decided Scott wasn’t for her. Seriously?!
The next day, when I spoke to Scott, he told me he always pays but wanted to make her feel comfortable. Scott is a great guy but he’s not a mind reader The evening was a lose-lose for him and a missed opportunity all around.
Here’s the deal – when a man asks you out, you’re his guest. He knows he’s supposed to pay. And most of the time, he wants to. So enjoy his generosity. When you let him lead, you bring your feminine energy to the table (literally), and men love that.
But there is a caveat. You must thank him A LOT.
I teach my clients to thank their dates three times. Thank him when he pays, when you get up from the table, and again when you part company. Be enthusiastic! After all of that gratitude, I guarantee he’ll be glad he picked up the check.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and in certain situations you should offer.
If he’s on a tight budget
If you asked him out
If you truly want to pay and won’t be disappointed if he accepts
If you offer, say something like, “May I contribute?” Asking a question is more feminine than saying “I’ve got this” or “Let’s split it”. Let him respond, and respect his decision, whatever it is.
Now that you know how to handle the check, you can relax when it comes – just in time to worry about the good night kiss!
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. How do you handle the check when you’re on a date?