12 Dating Mistakes That Will KILL Your Chances of Finding LOVE

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These 12 dating mistakes will kill your chances of finding love.

As a matchmaker since 2009, I’ve collected feedback after thousands of dates, and let me tell you, even the most successful people can mess up when it comes to romance. Some of the stories I could tell would make your jaw drop!

You get ONE opportunity to make a good first impression and create a meaningful connection. Everything you do on a first date is under scrutiny. And to make matters even more complicated, you’re not only trying to make a good impression, you’re hoping there’ll be chemistry too.

So a lot of stars need to align for the two of you to really connect, and a few missteps can derail everything. I’ve seen it happen SO many times.

Here are 12 common dating mistakes that will KILL your chances of finding LOVE!

1. Don’t be late. 

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than sitting around waiting (and waiting and waiting) for your date to show up. It doesn’t matter why you’re late. If you’re late, your date may think you’re flakey or inconsiderate. Plan ahead. Check out the venue in advance and know your route and the parking situation. Be. On. Time. And if you are running late, text them BEFORE you’re supposed to arrive to let them know.

2. Don’t start your date with a handshake.

This isn’t a business meeting, it’s a date. So don’t offer your date a handshake, offer a hug instead. When you greet them, give your date a big smile, and say something positive like, “I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you!” The first two minutes set the tone for the rest of the date, so start off warm and enthusiastic!

3. Don’t glance at your phone.  

There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone who’s checking their cell phone, texting under the table, or even worse, answering calls. When you pay attention to your phone, the person you’re with feels like they’re not a priority (and you’re not interested). Turn the darn thing OFF. Better yet, leave it in the car!

4. Don’t talk about ALL the dates you’ve been on and how rarely you go on 2nd dates.  

No one wants to hear about the gazillion dates you’ve been on or how frustrated you are with dating. And no one wants to feel like they’re just another link in your long chain of dates. If you talk about your dates, you may seem like someone who’s not serious about finding love. It’s important to make your date feel special – like this is the only date that matters.

5. Do NOT talk about past relationships.

Why on earth are you talking about an ex when you should be focusing on the amazing person sitting across from you? If you talk about your ex, your date may think you’re not ready to be in a relationship. And if you say anything negative about your ex, it only makes you look bad. I know it’s tempting, but save the ex-talk for later, when you know each other better. And if your date brings up their ex or asks you about  yours, tell them you’d rather not invite exes on your date. Hold that boundary (in the kindest way).

6. Don’t be negative AT ALL.

Negative people attract negative people, and I KNOW you don’t want to do that. Conversely, healthy, happy people want to date healthy, happy people. If you complain or point out what you DON’T like about people or things (your ex, your parents, your job, your server, etc.), your date will notice. Keep the conversation positive to attract a quality person who’s ready for love.

7. Don’t drink too much.  

For introverts and nervous daters,  booze can be a welcome dose of extroversion, and it can be tempting to overdo it. Please don’t. If you drink too much, you might say or do things you’ll regret later, and your judgment will be impaired. You don’t want to wake up in the morning and think, “OMG, did I really say that?” or even worse, “Why is this person in my apartment?” Take it easy on the alcohol and limit yourself to two drinks for the first few dates. Most of all, be safe.

8. Don’t be rude to your server (or anyone).

Your date is watching every move you make. Make eye contact and say, “thank you” to the person who refills your water. If the service is slow, go with the flow, and maybe even comment on how hard your server is trying. Don’t be impatient or rude to the waitstaff no matter what. If you check your coat or use the valet, don’t forget to tip. Believe me, your date is watching how you treat others. Be kind always.

9. Don’t wait to see if they like you.  

If you’re waiting to see if your date likes you, and your date is waiting to see if you like them, you’ll both just end up waiting! Decide to be enthusiastic from the start. Enthusiasm is like a snowball rolling down a hill – once it gets going, it grows and grows! Smile, be fun, complimentary, and even flirt. Start the date off right, and your date will relax, open up, and be more authentic. I tell my clients to act like they like their dates even if they aren’t sure yet. It’s a kind thing to do and creates a relaxed positive vibe. And don’t worry – if you decide later that you don’t want to go out again, it’s totally okay!

10. Don’t do all the talking.

I know you’re trying to be a good date and keep the conversation going – and that’s great.  It’s important to be open and to share about yourself. But PLEASE make sure you’re doing no more than 2/3 of the talking (1/2 is better). Make sure you’re genuinely curious and ask your date thoughtful questions. And once they share, go deeper – ask more about the things they’re passionate about. Take a real interest in THEM, and genuinely listen instead of just waiting to talk. There’s no better gift than really listening to someone.

11. Don’t try to figure out if they are “the one”.

Don’t try to figure out if your date could be “the one” on your first date (or your second or third). There’s no way to know (even if you think you know). Instead of asking questions like, “What are you looking for?” and checking off your list of “must haves”, have fun, be in the moment and don’t worry about next month or next year. Your time together shouldn’t feel like an interview or a test. Your only goal should be to get to know each other and have fun.

12. Don’t forget to say thank you (a lot).  

If your date pays, opens a door, or walks you to your car, it means a lot when you give a BIG and ENTHUSIASTIC “thank you”! Make sure you show your appreciation for their efforts and generosity. You can never say “thank you” too often. Small gestures mean a lot.

If you’ve made some of these common dating mistakes, don’t beat yourself up.

It’s no big deal as long as you STOP NOW! 🙂 If you do, you’ll be a lot more successful and also have more fun!

Here’s to being a savvy dater and to your last first date!

xo,
Michelle