Are you in a toxic relationship?
If you’re wondering how to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship or how to know when it’s time to break up with someone you love, ask yourself the following question:
Does your relationship make you feel sad and anxious more often than it makes you feel happy and relaxed?
If you answered “yes”, that’s a serious problem. Your relationship should enhance your happiness, not deplete it.
Here are signs you’re in a toxic relationship:
- You and your partner fight a lot, and your arguments often escalate into hurtful exchanges.
- You can’t speak freely. You may even need to rehearse before you talk. You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and sparking an argument or facing criticism. This leads to a constant state of self-censorship and anxiety.
- You have to write your feelings down in an email or a text because talking is too difficult. Face-to-face communication has become so strained that you resort to written messages to express yourself. This lack of direct, open communication creates a barrier in your relationship.
- You don’t feel you can completely trust your partner. Something just feels off. You might catch them in lies or half-truths, or they may be evasive about their activities. This erosion of trust undermines the foundation of your relationship.
- Your partner manipulates and gaslights you. They twist your words, deny things they’ve said, or make you question your own perceptions. This manipulation leaves you feeling confused, doubting yourself, and emotionally off-balance.
- You don’t feel like a priority to your partner. They consistently put their needs, desires, or other people before you. You feel neglected and unimportant in the relationship.
- You can’t rely on your partner to do what they say they’ll do. Broken promises and unreliability are common occurrences. This lack of follow-through erodes your trust and leaves you feeling let down.
- Your partner is jealous. They constantly question your interactions with others, accuse you of flirting, or try to control who you spend time with. This jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and can lead to possessive, controlling behavior.
- Your partner is affecting your relationships with your friends and family. They may criticize your loved ones, try to isolate you, or create drama that strains these relationships. You find yourself choosing between your partner and the other important people in your life.
- Your friends and loved ones avoid spending time with you as a couple. They may express discomfort or dislike towards your partner, or they simply don’t enjoy being around the two of you together. This is a red flag that others are noticing the toxicity in your relationship.
- Your partner is often critical of you. They nitpick your appearance, belittle your accomplishments, or constantly point out your flaws. This criticism chips away at your self-esteem and makes you feel unworthy.
- You or your partner gets violent or yells. Physical aggression, throwing objects, or screaming during arguments is never acceptable. These behaviors create an atmosphere of fear and intimidation.
- You feel depressed and unhappy a lot of the time. The negativity in your relationship takes a toll on your mental health. You may find yourself feeling hopeless, worthless, or emotionally drained.
- You often feel anxious. You’re constantly on edge, worrying about your partner’s moods or reactions. This chronic anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or difficulty sleeping.
- Your partner withholds affection when they’re angry. They use love and affection as a weapon, giving you the cold shoulder or withholding physical touch to punish you. This emotional manipulation leaves you feeling rejected and unworthy of love.
- Your partner gives you the silent treatment when they’re upset. They shut down and refuse to communicate, leaving you feeling isolated and powerless. This passive-aggressive behavior hinders conflict resolution and fosters resentment.
- You don’t feel safe expressing your feelings honestly. You fear your partner’s reactions, so you bottle up your emotions or walk on eggshells. This lack of emotional safety prevents you from having open, genuine conversations.
- You’ve broken up and gotten back together more than once. Your relationship is a roller coaster of highs and lows, with multiple breakups and reconciliations. This on-again, off-again pattern is often a sign of underlying issues that remain unresolved.Here are the examples with one to two additional sentences added to each
Here’s a creative way to determine if your relationship is unhealthy:
Print out a blank calendar template. At the end of each day, color code the way the relationship made you feel that day. Select the color that correlates with your primary mood.
Color the calendar box red if you felt sad, angry, or anxious. Use yellow if you felt neutral. And color the calendar box green if you felt good.
Do this consistently, and over time, you’ll be able to see patterns and trends as they develop. If your calendar is full of yellow and red boxes, you’re in a toxic relationship, and you need to break up.
Early signs of a toxic relationship:
I’m willing to bet there were signs early on that something was wrong, but you ignored the red flags.
Did you sweep the red flags under the rug because you hoped things would change and your relationship would improve?
If you did, you’re not alone. When I ask my clients who were in toxic relationships if they ignored red flags in the first three months of their relationships, they almost always answer “yes”.
It can be hard to understand why you allowed yourself to go down the wrong path when you knew things weren’t right. But the reality is, some of your needs were being met. They were important to you. So you ignored red flags. The problem is, red flags always become issues down the road if you don’t deal with them in the present.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, please don’t beat yourself up. For years, I ignored my intuition and better judgment and stayed in the wrong relationships. Almost everyone has done this at one time or another.
When you’re a positive and optimistic person, it’s natural to focus on your partner’s good instead of paying attention to the bad ones.
And if you’re loyal and don’t give up easily, you’re more likely to stick things out, even when a relationship is toxic.
It’s not too late. Now it’s time to take stock of your life, your relationship, and to take better care of yourself. Staying in a toxic relationship that doesn’t serve you can be painful, and over time, it may even make you sick.
Even if you’re in a toxic relationship, it can be hard to break up with someone you love.
But here’s the thing. You need to love yourself first, before anyone else. You need to love yourself enough to walk away from a relationship that isn’t working – one that’s hurting you.
It’s scary to be alone not knowing what the future holds, and it takes courage to move on. But you’ll be okay – you’re strong.
And the truth is…
Staying in a toxic relationship will keep you from meeting the right partner.
If you don’t find the strength to hold strong boundaries and move on when things aren’t working, you’ll stay stuck in the wrong relationship indefinitely, and you won’t be available to meet the right person.
You must only invest your time and heart in someone who is fully invested in you. Someone who treats you beautifully. Someone with high self-esteem who is emotionally healthy and has the desire and capacity to consistently be intimate, honest, loving, and kind.
No more toxic relationships – you’re DONE!
Promise yourself that next time you’ll pay closer attention to the warning signs. You’ll have stronger boundaries, and you’ll move on quickly if things aren’t working. When you find the strength to do that, your luck will change, and the Universe will deliver your partner to you.
Because the fastest way to meet the right person is to leave the wrong person quickly.
Even if you’re scared right now, have faith that everything will be okay. Your person is out there, and you’re going to meet them when the time is right!
You’re stronger than you think, and you can do this.
To help you on your journey toward a healthy and happy relationship, it’s my pleasure to gift you my book, Never Waste Time on the Wrong Man Again: A 5-Step Strategic Plan to Stop Wasting Time and Finally Find “The One”.
This book is a game-changer that will help you avoid toxic relationships and find the right partner quickly. Please let me know how it impacts your life.
You deserve to be loved right. And you will be!
With love,
Michelle
